The Purple People Eater Sort Of
by Tribble Master
Summary: Chloe, on the prowl, takes a bite out o' life. Whoops, actually that was LEx. Annoyed he dyes his hair purple, and drinks koolaide. with shocking results...FIN
1. Blonide! wink, wink

The Purple People Eater (sort of)

_Disclaimer: nope, not mine, but I can tourtue 'em!_ holds up huge chainsaw>_ if ya know what I mean..._

Chapter 1

Lex Luthor was bored. Seeing no point in going for a drive, he decided to walk through the woods. No real reason, he just wanted to get away from technology, and all of it's monotonous trifles.

The air was crisp and clean. Lex let out a sigh, sometimes he had really hated his father was sending him to Smallvile, but this was one rare moment were Lex appreciated his banishment from Metropolis. In the woods colors bloomed around him distracting his attention from corporate sharks, and the creature lurking behind him. He didn't even notice the rustling of the leaves, the heavy breath, it's bristling fur, at least not until it was to late.

Lex turned to look back at his grotesque mansion, but instead he saw two green, sickly glowing orbs coming straight at his throat. Immediately Lex threw a right hook at the monster. It was wolfish. Immensely huge and wolfish. Perhaps strangest of all was the blonde highlights on it's bristling fur. It lay on the ground, now, seemingly unconscious from Lex's punch. As the resident billionaire bent next to it to check if it was still alive, it sprung. Lex found, that is was now he sprawled on his back. Such strength! Infact it took all of Lex's strength to keep the creature from his throat, but that didn't stop the wolf from biting his wrist. The last conscious thing the injured Lex remembered was shouting "Clark!" at the top of his lungs. Then black oblivion and silence.

Not a soul in Smallvile stirred from their activities, oblivious of the creeping chaos that would soon wreak havoc on the town. Unaware of the source lying limply in the forest, turning a deep crimson with each passing second.

* * *

_To Be Continued...MU-HA-HA-HA!_

_Previw of next chapter:_

Lex was just a limp figure, his black coat made him look like a log. It didn't register to Clark that his best friend was dying from blood loss until he was at the loft ...

_Is he gonna make it? (Lex from the background: I'M A SURVIOR! I MIGHT NOT MAKE IT! whoa_is whacked over the head by Lionel to get him to stop singing...)


	2. KoolAide!

Chapter 2 _And again, none of the copy righted material is mine_

Purple Kool-Aid with a hint of strawberry is the best. At least that is what Clark Kent thought, which is probably why he bought all 50 boxes off shelves when he saw it was on sale at the grocery store. Sadly, that left only the red kind, the black kind, and green kind for other customers. _Lana was probably one of those random people who likes green Kool-Aide,_ Clark mused as he waved to Lana on his way out He figured he could super-speed through the woods, this way he could mix his purple drink as soon as he got home.

Lex was just a limp figure, his black coat made him look like a log. It didn't register to Clark that his best friend was dying from blood loss until he was at the loft "Oh, jesse Lex what the heck did you do now," Clark muttered as he zipped back to the 'log.' Lex was barley alive, seconds mattered, his body had been out there for at least an hour. His jet black sleeve was now a sickly crimson. Two seconds to get there from the loft, three to hospital. Clark knew with his x-ray vision that it was only a hairline fracture, but the blood loss worried him. What the young hero didn't register was the minute concussion, and two broken ribs.

Green Kool-Aide is the best. At least, this is what Lana thought, which is probably why she bought all 50 boxes of the shelf. _Poor losers, they only have the red and black stuff left now. Perhaps Chloe likes the red stuff_, mussed Lana as she hurried toward the Torch, waving at Chloe as she left. The coffee mixer called to her, begging to mix her precious green powder into that luscious sugar drink.

Lex was in surgery, his wrist wouldn't stop bleeding. Transplant, after transplant it was darning the hospital of their stores. Clark was pacing, his parents had told him to come home, when he had called. Something inside of Clark demanded him to stay here waiting for Lex to beckon him, he was after all the guy's best friend. Probably Lex's only friend.

Black Kool-Aide is the best. At least this was Chloe's opinion, and probably why she bought all 50 boxes off the shelves. She said hi to Pete on her way out musing, _I hope he likes that red stuff. HA! It's the only stuff left. _Hoping into her car, she zoomed towards school, were she could mix and stir in peace. After all, the Torch was her personal sanctuary. _Hers._

Lex was going to make it, the surgery was a success. Clark stopped pacing when he saw them wheel his unconscious friend into ICU, he was breathing at fairly decent rate. There was a bunch of tubes hooked up to help him recover. Clark looked down to his hand, he had been so nervous he had crushed a granite paper weight in his hand. The fine powder sprinkling out of hand was proof.

Red Kool-Aide was the best. At least this was the idea running through Pete's head as he bought the 50 boxes from the shelf. Smiling triumphantly as he left, he headed to his house to enjoy his treat. _Mine, all mine!_ He though manically, while his left eye started to twitch

Lex felt like he was floating in a sea of red unsure if he could awake. How could he doubt his awakening? He scolded his thoughts. He had heard that rush of wind, the swirling of leaves, Clark had been there. Clark would save him; it's what he always did. Mumbled voices were within his hearing range, but other than that Lex Luthor was nothing to the world.

* * *

_To be continued,  
can you gusse what the Kool-Aid is for? _

_Previw of next chapter:_

_"And now the weather! This month, everyone in town will be lucky enough to see, not one! Two **full** moons!"_

"Clark…"Squeaked a small voice. (who is it?)


	3. The Weather Was Dull and then there was ...

Chapter 3 _Disclaimer: not mine, sorry, all copy righted!I'm still gonna tourtue them though...

* * *

_

_"And now the weather! This month, everyone in town will be lucky enough to see, not one! Two **full** moons!"_

"Clark…"Squeaked a small voice.

"Lex! You are awake! Sorry, I was listening to the news to pass the time, want me to turn it down?" Clark asked sheepishly from the corner of the hospital room. Currently he was fumbling with the remote, while the TV suddenly read mute in the right-hand corner.

"Clark…okay, you can _breathe_. How long have I been out anyway?" Lex muttered.

"About four hours. Should I get the nurse? Should I get you some water? What can I do?" Clark asked excitedly. There was a click, confirming the fact that Clark now knew were the off button was on the remote.

"Yeah. Help wring my hands around the guy with the sledge hammer, okay?" Lex said sleepily.

"The guy that attacked you?' Asked Clark intently, he was willing to do anything to help Lex.

"Nah-uh. The one in my head." Lex replied, flashing a maniacal grin.

"Oh." Clark looked dumbfounded for a moment, then flashed his signature 'I-really-don't-get-it' grin with his brilliant white teeth

"Clark, you should probably tell the nurse I'm up." Lex said changing the subject.

Like an obedient dog, Clark nodded and jogged off to fulfill his friend's request. Lex started slowly to clear things in his groggy mind. He was here in the hospital, probably because of others wounds. His head and chest were sore, so that was probably it. The wrist though, it hurt worst of all, turning his head feebly he saw it was rapped tightly in gauze. Not only that, but more gauze was nearby.

The nurse came in then with a glass of water, and asked, "Would you like to know what happened sir?"

"Yeah, thanks," Lex nodded, sipping the water gratefully.

The nurse slowly began to explain.

Chloe was, meanwhile,at the Torch, mixing together her Kool-Aide. Her jaw really hurt, and she had a splitting head-ache. For some reason she couldn't quite remember what she had done in the past 24 hours. Oh, sure she knew there was a full moon, and she remembered buying the Kool-Aide, just not why. She had never had black Kool-Aide before, so why now? Instead she had a craving, a hunger, a thirst to have the purple Kool-Aide with a hint of strawberry. Her hands finished with their chore of mixing and stirring, though had a different idea. Without realizing it she slowly sipped her glass of black Kool-Aide.

"We also think you may have been poisoned." The nurse finished, "Why else would your wrist bleed so much?"

"I have no idea if I'm poisoned or not. I was attacked by a wolf." Lex said after hearing the full report on his injuries. "Clark did you see any creature nearby when you picked me up? It has blonde highlights."

"No, all I saw was supposedly a log, but it was just you." Clark stated.

"Well anyway we are going to keep you here for a few days, just for observation. There might be something." The nurse said.

"I guess, man and all I wanted to do was get away from business!" Lex smiled.

"Well, it's a little early for Christmas, but I guess someone got their wish," Clark smiled back.

Meanwhile, the grocery store owner was shocked, no one had ever emptied the Kool-Aide shelves this fast. Stranger still, green meteor rocks were scattered on the shelves, were some of the packets had once been...

* * *

_To Be Continued...  
what ever will happen to Chloe?_


	4. No wait, Lana's in this chapter

Chapter 4 Oh, _Chloe it's you turn to be tourtued! Again, disclaimer: it is not, nor ever, mine...aww, that's just to bad..._

Chloe choked for a minute, then fell on the floor gasping. A blinding white flash, and two bodies were in the room. Chloe was facing her alter ego, a wolfish creature with blonde highlights. On purely instinct she knocked the creature over the head, banishing it from within her. As it vanished memories swept back to the young reporter's mind. She remembered being bitten on the ankle by something with fiery red highlights three months back. The scar was still there. It had taken forever to get it to stop bleeding, and she thought she was normal. Whoops. Another memory flashed in her mind's eye. She had attached Lex Luthor. He had socked her in the jaw. She had bitten him, **and that meant**… "Oh crap," Chloe thought as she ran to the woods to find Lex.

Lex was resting, asleep back at the hospital. Clark was searching in the forest successfully. He saw blonde hair and sped toward it. Chloe was knocked to the ground. "Chloe! What are you doing here? There is something very dangerous out here, it's not really safe!" Clark said in a rush.

"Okay, Clark you can calm down, I was uh, looking for Lex. I thought cutting through the woods would be faster," Chloe lied.

"Lex? He's at the hospital. Something attacked him, he said it was a wolf of sorts. It had blonde highlights." Clark said.

"Oh, no really? Well we'd better scit-daddle!" Chloe said flashing a cheesy grin. Now, Chloe was mentally panicking, had she killed the guy? "Is he all right?"

"Yeah, but his wrist wouldn't stop bleeding, that's were the monster bite. Sorry, Chloe want me to take you home? I gotta go check in with my folks."

"Nah, its fine. Ta-ta!" Chloe said as they parted.

Clark zipped home and gave his family the full report, after seeing Chloe safely off. Jonathan was mad at him for not coming straight home, and Martha was proud of him for saving someone. Even if it was Lex. Nothing new.

* * *

_To Be Continued, now any who can gusse what Lex will look like wins a free basket of air! _


	5. Or is she in all the chapters? CATNIP!

Chapter 5_Disclaimer, not mine, if it was there would be more shows were Lex gets bashed up, it is really cute when they tourtue him, don't you agree?

* * *

_

_Four Days Later_

"Hey, Clark. What's up?" Lex asked as Clark walked in to his mansion.

"I dunno, just checking to see that you're okay." Clark said timidly, flopping on the couch.

"Clark, I just got out of the hospital," Lex began indicating to his bandaged wrist, "Do you think they'd let me out if wasn't 'okay'?"

"Yeah, sorry." Clark addressed Lex, who sat next to him on the couch.

"Don't sweat it, if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be here now. What were you doing in the woods anyway?" Lex curiously asked.

"Getting home faster, so I could mix my Kool-Aide," Clark was blushing.

"Kool-Aide…" Lex said this in a monotone voice, staring straight into the fireplace.

"Lex?" Clark waved his hand in front of his friend's face to get his attention.

"What! Oh… sorry, Clark I have to go to the Talon now to look some stuff over with Lana." Lex stated dazed.

"Lana…" Clark said in a monotone voice staring at the fireplace.

"Clark, whatever. I got to go now, come on your parents probably want you home." Lex said standing up.

"What! Oh…yeah" And with that booth dazed masculine figures left the room.

At the Talon Lana had mixed a huge jug of green Kool-Aide, and was sipping her own small glass. As soon as Lex walked in, he looked a little dazed. Lana said hey, then went into the office to grab the papers, Lex needed. She looked out the office window and saw tonight was a full moon. Images of werewolves danced in her head as she stared.

"_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"_

Lana ran out of the office to see a large wolfish creature lapping up a small amount of her Kool-Aide. It had purple highlights, and was huge. Lex was no were in sight.

* * *

_To Be Continued, now were did little Lex go? Hmm? _


	6. Sparky reappers

Chapter 6_ Disclamier, yawn, I'm getting bored of typing this: IT IS NOT MINE! YAY! well, mabey not 'yay', but you get the idea..._

As soon as Lex walked into the Talon he felt sick. He said hey to Lana and stepped closer to the Kool-Aide jug while she went into the office. In the close proximity he shared with the Kool-Aide jug he felt, weak and, helpless. As if that wasn't enough, his wrist began to bleed slightly. His wrist hurt even more, and then every nerve ending exploded. Lex felt like he was on fire, his back ached, his head hurt…it all hurt. His body began to convulse, and he knocked over the jug while he was twitching (especially his left eye). His back arched straight in the air. Then he had hair. Lots of hair, and a tail! Swishy! _OOO! Purple highlights! That's my favorite color_ Lex thought. Smiling he waged his tail. He was the wolfish creature. The wolfish creature that wanted Kool-Aide. His attention was adverted when he saw the knocked over jug of green Kool-Aide.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Lex yelled, charging the puddle at full speed. Lana was in the door way shocked, but that didn't mean anything to him He had Kool-Aide! On the other hand this was not really what he had in mind. Infact, it was making him sick, so he limped off. Ewww, who wanted this green stuff anyway? He wanted the purple Kool-Aide, with a hint of strawberry, but was to sick to hunt for it.

Lana was too scared to do anything except watch the creature limp off. It went straight towards the Luthor mansion, swaggering as it went.

The next evening after school, Clark wanted to see Lex at the mansion. Lana warned him that see had seen the creature, but Lex had disappeared. The only thing wrong with the story was the description of the creature. Lana and Lex had described the same thing. Only one had purple highlights, the other yellow. When Lana said Lex had disappeared, he didn't know what to expect. Now, as he opened the doors to Lex's office he was genuinely concerned.

His friend was draped limply on the couch. His clothes were in tatters, the expensive cloth was a shadow of its original quality. Lex looked bruised and battered, his hands somewhat blistered. Worst of all, the bandage on his wrist was dark red. Clark went at super speed to find gauze, then re-bandage Lex's wrist. As Clark finished, he shook his friend gently.

"What happened?" Lex asked sleepily.

"That is what I wanted to know, man. Do you remember at all what happened to you?"

"I don't remember anything that happened in the past twenty-four hours, just, maybe, hair," Lex said sitting up and rubbing his head. He started to cough violently. Some of the green Kool-Aide was expelled. "Oooh, now I feel better," Lex grumbled. Clark backed away for a moment thinking it was kryptonite, but eased onto the couch when he realized it was not.

"Yeach, green Kool-aide," Lex mumbled, "what?" He asked looking back into Clark's stare.

"Lana is the only person in this town that has green Kool-aide, Lex, and she saw the monster drink some of it, but not you," Clark's face screwed up in concentration, "Unless..."

Lex understood the subtle meaning. "Clark, you should go, uh, I have business."

Clark sighed, but left his friend to deal with whatever his issues were. "Well, I'll see you soon man."

As soon as Clark was gone, Lex started to pace. He was actually _thinking…_

Pete was back at home, the cat nip had worn off yesterday, but his left eye still twitched. _Nothing that a good glass of red Kool-Aide can't cure,_ he thought to himself. Lightning flashed, and he sipped his luscious concoction. MUA-HA-HA! So tasty…..and sugar luscious! It was exactly the cure he had wanted for his catnip cravings. He defiantly wanted to sip on this potion forever (an' ever an' ever), but decided it would be best to donate to the Talon. Lana would love the Kool-Aide, so would a lot people, and they were welcome to it as long as they paid hard cold cash. Hey, he needed more money so he could race fast shiny cars, ARGH! There was that catnip controlling his brain again, tsk, tsk. _Of course_ he would donate to the Talon.

Chloe was working at the _Torch. _Currently she was trying to brain storm if there were any meteor peeps she hadn't exposed, _yet. _Unfortunately though, her mind was stuck on the black Kool-Aid. It had cured her of the purple Kool-aide with a hint of strawberry cravings, as well as her alter-ego. So what now to do with it? Donate it to the Talon!

The next day thoughts of purple werewolves pranced on Lana's blissfully empty mind as she served everyone red and black Kool-Aide.

Lex was sipping a tall glass of red Kool-Aide when he doubled over. As a man of strong character he immediately stood up and stumbled towards the little billionaire's room. Seconds later there was the sound of crashing restroom stalls, and the **_it_** emerged. The purple highlights bristled on his back.

"Let's name him Sparky!" Clark said suggestively, he received very, _very _dirty looks.

* * *

_To Be Continued, 'Sparky' gets what he wants, KOOL-AIDE! What's with the Kool-Aide you ask? Think kool-aide equals kryptonite, yes it affects Lex in the same ways Clark is affected by Kryptonite...sort of, with some exceptions, so what next? _

_PURPLE KOOL-AIDE WITH A HINT OF STRAWBERRY IS DISCOVERD!_

_(just reviw please)_


	7. He gets what he wants and lana appears

Chapter 7_None of the characters are mine! Okay really close to the end now folks!_

Could he really be that horrible thing? He could not remember what had happened the night he entered the Talon. Just the pain of the green Kool-Aide. It would never be the same between that stuff and Lex. Then he also remembered hair. And purple highlights? Then it hit him like the flashes of images minutes before; he was supposed to go back to the Talon tonight. Alexander Luthor grabbed his coat and snatched up the keys to his Silver Arrow Mercedes Convertible 2000 (A/N What? It is my fave car!) .

At the Talon he bought a glass of red Kool-Aide, apparently it was all the Talon had. Kool-Aide. After three sips he doubled over. Fighting, the pain he staggered and stumbled into the little billionaire's room.

There he could no longer fight it. He fell in a heap as his wrist began to promptly bleed. The pain was just as he remembered, ever nerve exploding. Then there was that hair, that tickling sensation of actually having hair. Each one growing from every inch of body, even on a tail! Aro! Best of all he had purple high-lights. Sweet! He was so happy he immediately ripped apart several stalls and drank from the toilets.

As he stepped out, he heard someone yell, ""Let's name him Sparky!" Hell, no! His name was Lexy! And currently his thoughts were: _pet ME, pet ME, pet ME, I want purple kool-aide with a hint of strawberry pet ME, pet ME, pet ME, I want purple kool-aide with a hint of strawberry pet ME, pet ME, pet ME, I want purple kool-aide with a hint of strawberry pet ME, pet ME, pet ME, I want purple kool-aide with a hint of strawberry pet ME, pet ME, pet ME, I want purple kool-aide with a hint of strawberry pet ME, pet ME, pet ME, I want purple kool-aide with a hint of strawberry pet ME, pet ME, pet ME, I want purple kool-aide with a hint of strawberry…**PET ME!**_

These were 'Sparky's' thoughts until Clark promptly whacked his butt, "Shoo mutt! " Lex left in shame. _Why didn't you pet ME?_ he thought aimlessly as he wandered. He soon came upon a barn (guess who!), it was warm with lots of hay inside. What made him leap for joy though was the pitcher of purple Kool-Aide, with a hint of strawberry (hint, hint)!

So that night, he slept warm and safe. Happy, and content. Infact this was how it was for several days. He slept in a remote corner of the loft, no one really noticed. And the pitcher was always being refilled! It was five days of complete bliss.

In those five days Lex Luthor was no were to be seen. Clark had visited his mansion every day, searched Metropolis every day, called his cell phone every day, and Lex still didn't answer. Meanwhile strange things were happening at his loft. His Kool-Aide was evaporating almost every day! At night, he swore he could hear something in the loft.

One morning the creature after drinking more Kool-Aide, felt his body begin to shake. Violently, and harshly, his hair was leaving! _But no one petted me! _He cried to himself. The transformation was completing. Suddenly his body felt ripped silk encasing it, not fur. Where was he?

Clark wanted to get his books from the loft. Afterwards he was going to search for Lex again. Surprise, surprise, there he was on his couch. His clothes were in tatters, and his wrist caked in blood. Again Clark super speed to receive and bandage Lex's arm. Again as Lex fluttered his eyes he said, "what the hell happened?'

"Dude, no one has seen you for six days! You disappeared at the Talon! Man, this has so gotta stop." Clark said as he sat starring into the blue eyes of his friend across from him.

"God, Clark, I DON'T KNOW OKAY?" He held his head in his hands and cursed silently to himself.

Lex ran off.

o-o-o-o

Chloe was talking to Lana. They were planning for a werewolf film festival on Friday. And with the Kool-Aide donations it was sure to be a blast.

Suddenly Lana gasped. Chloe turned her back to the counter. Lex stumbled in to the Talon in his dirty, shredded clothes. "Can I have some KOOL-AIDE, I mean, coffee please?"

Chloe ran up to Lex, "No wait I know what you need."

Lex looked up at her weekly.

(To Be Continued)

(author note: red koolaide equals more rapid change, green equals makes him sick, black equals splits him up, purple is satisfying! get it now? )


	8. ALAS I HAVE NO HAIR

Chloe poured a glass of black kool-aide. "This should help, Lex…LEX!"

She shrieked, he was weak on the verge of unconsciousness. "Don't fall asleep!"

"…_but Chloe, I'm** just so tired**…" _he whispered.

The trickle of kool-aide down his throat made him cough. "_what?" _

Chloe took a step back, and warned Lana to stay back to.Lex grunted a curled in a ball. "_it hurts" _he barely manged.

The room vibrated and a flash of light burst. Then to Lana and Chloe's amazement, Lex began to tear out his hair. Or rather it's hair. It's purple spiky, "HOOVER DAMN! WHY ISN'T MY HAIR THIS COOL?" Lex shrieked.

The bald man dogged another blow. It was a losing battle; the purple highlighted creature had the advantage of strength. In a low husky voice Lex whispered, "'Cmon Sparky bring it!"

Looking around Chloe got an idea. Chloe shouted to Lex, "Catch!"

She threw an empty jug to Lex. In the second it took him to stand up the beast lunged at his chest. If you listened careful you could almost here it yell, "MY NAME IS NOT SPARKY!"

The force of the blow threw him back against the wall. Of course, as Lex moved out of the projectile's way, the beast was now underneath it. With the lack of opposable thumbs, all 'Sparky/Lexy' could do was watch as it crashed in slow motion on his head.

The wolf thing once unconscious and was quickly absorbed. Lex stood and smiled. "Thanks" he gasped, making a thumbs' up signal.

As Chloe rushed over to him with the intent to lead him towards a chair he passed out.

o-o-o-o-o

When he awoke again, it was midnight. He was in his bed. In front of him an old Dracula film was playing.

"Sweet! Your awake!"

Lex was in his silk pajamas. He looked quizzically at Clark who was lounging on a sleep bag on the floor next to his bed. Clark giggled, "No you changed your own clothes! You were, like, half awake for a few minutes. Then you lay down and feel back asleep. I've been here making sure you woke up okay. It seems your wrist has healed and everything."

"Yeah, I'm okay," He grunted.

"Oh good! Are you thirsty? There's a glass of kool-aide here with your name on it…"

There was a scream from the … television screen.

o-o-o-o

Within the next few days life was slowly returning to normal. Halloween Lex now dreaded with it's onslaught of kool-aide jokes. But other than that things were normal. Lana was an air head. Chloe was a brain. Clark told secrets. And Pete went to therapy for his catnip addiction. Yeah, okay, normal for Smallville, at least.

THE END! LOL! HOPE Y'ALL LIKED! THANKS TO ANYONE WHO HELPED WITH ANY IDEAS, THANK YOU AND TEN POINTS!


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